After Happily Ever After, Part 3

Another conversation that seems to get left by the wayside during dating is the one about kids. Now, usually people do manage to at least have the “do you want kids?” conversation–maybe even going farther into how many you’re hoping for. But once you have kids you’re going to realize how woefully inadequate those conversations were in terms of helping you be on the same page as parents. And you really need to be on the same page.

Things that I suggest you include in a good conversation about kids include:

• Discipline style (How were you disciplined as a kid? Do you want to do the exact opposite or was it okay? Spanking? Time out? Combo thereof? How willing are you to tailor the discipline to the personality of the child?)
• Schooling (Are you hoping to homeschool? Public school? Haven’t decided but aren’t opposed to either?)
• Will both spouses work after you have kids? Or do you want to have a stay-at-home-parent? Will that be mom or dad?
• Do you have any distinct thoughts on raising your kids with gender stereotypes? (e.g. Will you let boys play with dolls? What about toy guns?)
• Are there any aspects of child-rearing that you want to leave to the primary discretion of the parent doing the majority of the interaction (i.e. the stay-at-home parent if there is one)?
• What happens if you can’t easily conceive? Will you pursue treatment? How much? Are you open to adoption? Are you open to staying childless?

You probably won’t come to a hard and fast decision on any of these – but it’s good to get the basics out there. If nothing else, it’ll help when you’re faced with the situation because nothing will come as an utter shock.

We homeschool. That has always been my plan. It was never my husband’s plan. He doesn’t have anything against it, but he’s a product of public school (as I am) and doesn’t have a problem with it. But because I’ve been open with him about why I think it’s important that we do, he’s completely on board and supportive. It wasn’t always the case — but we had it hammered out long before we ever had kids, which made it much less stressful as school-time approached because mom and dad weren’t arguing about it.

What do you think — did I leave anything out?