Infertility Awareness Month: The Myth of “Just Relax”

If you struggle at all to conceive, you’re bound to have at least one person tell you, “Just relax.” (And at least in this particular instance, I think I can probably include anyone who has to try more than a month or two into the group who gets this awesome little nugget thrown their way.)

I want to believe the people spouting this nonsense are trying to be helpful – but in case you are one of those people, understand that to the ears of the hurting infertile person, you’re saying, “Why are you wound up about this? It’s a natural process that’ll just happen, so stop stressing.” And that, right there, is an arrow to the soul. Because we already KNOW it’s a natural process, one that seemingly everyone but us can manage (and for whatever reason, it seems like it’s more likely to happen for the people who don’t actually want it to happen.)

But beyond the fact that it’s unhelpful and hurtful, it’s simply not true. Relaxing doesn’t have anything to do with conception. Of course, everyone has their favorite anecdote about their cousin’s best friend’s brother’s aunt whose daughter couldn’t conceive and then they went on a cruise and she came home pregnant. Still, if all it took to conceive was relaxation (and if relaxation is one of those critical components to it), then I can’t fathom that anyone during the Great Depression had a child. Talk about a time where relaxation wasn’t on the menu. Or during war. Or living in conditions where life is an aching, scraping battle to survive day after day. People who are uptight and in crisis have children.

So don’t be one of those people. Please. Instead of telling someone to “just relax,” let them know you’re praying for them and that you’re there, if they need you.