Infertility Awareness Month: Wounded by the Bible? (part 1)

When you’re a Christian suffering from infertility, it sometimes feels like the odds are even more stacked against you, what with all the stories and verses in the Bible about God opening and closing wombs (on purpose!) and children being a blessing. And then you have other Christians. Well meaning, for sure (well, maybe not always, but we’ll give them all the benefit of the doubt, okay?) but seemingly totally incapable of comforting with the Scripture instead of making things worse.

So let’s take a look at a few of these passages this week and I’ll offer suggestions of Bible passages to use instead.

First up? Probably the most hurtful: Psalm 127:3 “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from Him.” (NIV)

I’m guessing when people throw this verse out at you, their intent is to address the entitlement to children that most people feel. (After all, like I’ve said before, it’s not as if we grow up expecting to be childless or to struggle with infertility. Having children is a natural process that our bodies were designed for. When that process is broken, it brings heartache.) So, again I’m just guessing, the idea behind offering up this verse to someone who’s hurting is to say, effectively, “You aren’t entitled to kids, even if it’s a natural thing. They’re a blessing from God, and not everyone gets blessed in the same way. So just hang in there, you’ll get a different blessing.”

What the infertile woman hears is: “God’s withholding not only a blessing, but a reward. Why am I not worthy of either? And how is it that people who live their lives completely opposed to God are worthy of that blessing and reward? Why would He give children to them, when those children are reviled and viewed as punishment?”

Spending too much time dwelling on this can shake your faith. Seriously shake it. (After all, the problem of evil is one that keeps many from coming to God in the first place.)

So what can you do instead? Remind your hurting friend that we live in a fallen, broken world. Encourage them to see that verse as a reminder to people who have children who get caught up in the daily frustrations of life rather than an admonishment to those without. And if you feel like you need to provide them with Scripture, try instead Psalm 34:17-20

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
The righteous person may have many troubles,
but the Lord delivers him from them all;
he protects all his bones,
not one of them will be broken.