Infertility Awareness Month: Wounded by the Bible? (part 2)

Another Bible story so many seem to expect the infertile to love is the story of Hannah in 1 Samuel. Now, I’ll admit, this is one that seems to be split — there are some going through infertility who see this as encouraging. My advice remains the same though – don’t bring it up as one intended to provide hope and help. If they mention it, then great, but otherwise? Steer clear.

Why? Well, let’s look at the story. Hannah is one of two wives. The other has children, Hannah does not. But Hannah is the wife Elkanah loves – so he gives her a double portion of the meat. And that’s in verse 5 where it starts to get hard for the infertile woman of faith:

1 Samuel 1:5-6
5 But to Hannah he (Elkanah) gave a double portion because he loved her, and the Lord had closed her womb. 6 Because the Lord had closed Hannah’s womb, her rival kept provoking her in order to irritate her.

Did you catch that? Why is Hannah infertile? Because the Lord had closed her womb. 

Now, I ask you – at what point is that comforting to someone in the midst of infertility? It says, yeah, that’s right, you can’t conceive because God has gone out of His way to make you that way. (See also the stories of Rachel and Leah in Genesis 29 and 30. God’s opening and closing wombs left and right there.)

Back to Hannah. She’s upset, naturally, so she goes to pray – praying so fervently that the priest thinks she’s a drunk. Nice, right? Anyway, after Hannah makes a Nazarite vow for her yet-to-be-conceived child, God finally relents and lets her get pregnant. Think about that for a moment – she can get pregnant and raise the child for a little bit, but then she has to send him to the temple. He’s gone. No longer hers. Probably when he’s very young. It’s not really all that encouraging.

And okay, sure we can make the argument that all children belong to God, they’re simply entrusted to us to raise and so forth. All true. But to the infertile woman, the story of Hannah (and Rachel and Leah) aren’t anything to hang your hat on. It’s too easy, in the middle of the pain of wanting a child, to miss the bigger picture and see only the grief-inspiring possibility that you can’t have children because God has specifically gone out of His way to close your womb.

That may seem irrational to you. It may even be irrational. But when someone is hurting, our call is to walk alongside them, weep with them, and mourn with them. Our call is NOT to point out where their hurt is irrational or small in the overall scheme of the hurting world at large. That can come later, if necessary, once significant healing has begun. (I say if necessary because chances are, once healing takes root, the infertile person can look back and see it for herself. She won’t need you to point it out. It’ll pretty much never be helpful, or well received, for you to point it out.)