Little Girls Don’t Play “Infertility”

Despite the fact that 1 in 8 couples will deal with it at some point, infertility isn’t something little girls grow up dreaming of. (Shocking, no?) The fact is, most girls grow up playing with their baby dolls and dreaming of the families they’ll have some day. They come up with names for those children. They figure out what order they’ll be born in (boys first then girls? all girls? all boys?) and they play through all manner of situations from discipline to birthdays to sending them off to school. And never once in that play situation do they stop to consider the possibility that they’ll end up in their mid-30s with no kids and only another visit to the doctor on the horizon.

Now, I’m not advocating that we talk to our children and encourage them to play IVF.

What I am saying, though, is that we need to realize that a woman in the midst of infertility is dealing with much more than the “simple” lack of conception. She’s been dreaming of this – counting on this – assuming this since she was small. Infertility is more than a negative pregnancy test, it’s the death – or at least wounding – of a life-long expectation.

Let that idea guide you. When someone has lost a loved one, you typically don’t jump in with a smile and a reminder that it’ll all work out for the best. At least initially, you walk along side them and say, “I’m sorry for your loss. I’m so, so sorry.” And that is what the infertile need to hear most. That expression of sympathy. An understanding that you know they’re hurting and you want to be there for them. Even if you don’t get it in your soul like they do. With infertility, as with a person experiencing grief after the loss of a loved one, the best thing you can do is simply let them know you care.