For a little while now, I've been trying to up my game when it comes…
On Being Present
If you read many blogs and/or headlines of articles shared on Facebook, one of the things that comes up with relative frequency is an admonishment to not let social media take over your life–to be present. I want to start out by saying I wholeheartedly endorse both of those statements. Social media shouldn’t take over our lives and we should be doing our utmost to be present with our families.
But (you knew there was a but coming, right?) I think we also need to realize this looks different for every single person out there. And that is not the message that most of these blog posts are giving. A while back, there was a huge push by a mom blog (I think I remember which one, but since I can’t recall exactly, I’m not going to name names) that had everyone in my small sphere at church deleting the Facebook app off their phones. Because that was how she recommended forcing yourself to get off social medial and be present.
Now there’s a new big push coming from The Glorious Table recommending quiet from five to nine p.m. The idea is much the same, you turn off your phone and set it aside and you focus during those hours on being present with your family.
And it all just rubs me the wrong way. Not the message, I endorse the message, but the presentation. Because here’s the thing, five to nine doesn’t necessarily work for every family. And also? I don’t want to be present because of a hashtag, I want to be present because of a heart tag.
Deleting Facebook off my phone or shutting it off during a specific time isn’t what it takes for me to be present. To really be present I have to want to be present. And an absence of social media can’t do that for me. To me, being present is to take a page out of Jesus’ book when he stopped to ask who touched His robe, even though there were important things that needed to get done.
My goal in life is to be present whenever anyone in my family needs me to be. That may mean that I set aside a text half-written, or I don’t get any work on my current novel done in a given day, or maybe I answer a phone call during a TV show, or interrupt a phone call to talk to my child. It’s not something I can force into scheduled office hours. It’s a heart attitude that says to my family, “You are more important to me than anything else. No matter what time it is.”
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Bingo! You hit the nail on the head! 🙂 I totally agree with you! I am not one who let’s social media interfere with my family or my priorities! So why would I delete an app or turn my phone off? If I turn my phone off for 4 hours, what happens if one of my people who don’t live with me need me? What if there’s an emergency? They leave a message and I respond or react 4 hours later? Yeah, ummm, No!
Thank you for posting this! 🙂 I love it!
You’re welcome. I’m glad you’ve also found balance with social media — maybe it’s harder than you and I imagine?
Love this line: “I don’t want to be present because of a hashtag, I want to be present because of a heart tag.” Did you comment at TGT?
I didn’t — because I love Harmony and I agree with the idea behind the message, just not necessarily the push behind the implementation. But it kept rattling in my head, so I figured I’d just post here.
Two things: first, I am not even ON Facebook, thought it was too intrusive and a time suck years ago when it first came out, and have not really changed my mind since. But when you’re old and remember the days BEFORE Facebook, you don’t really miss it.
Second, just finished A Handful of Hope yesterday (got it on the preorder for my kindle) and LOVE LOVE LOVED it!! So authentic, the characters had such realistic voices. So happy to see these young professionals lifting their voices for celibacy until marriage. When I read what you write, I feel like I’m a fly on the wall, right in the room where REAL PEOPLE are talking!
Ellen — I guess I’m old too cause I remember those days fondly 🙂 And yay! I’m so glad you enjoyed Handful of Hope! And thanks for your kind words – they warm my heart.
heart tag! exactly!! WC goals this week (and blog goals as well) got pushed to the back with drama only a ten-year-old can create, then two phone calls from dear friends (one from HS who i hadn’t spoken to except for emails *since* high school—lasted 2 hours!!) WC still staring me down, but the heart connection wouldn’t wait!
I love that Robin! So cool that you have friendships that stand the test of time.
And it isn’t just social media that keeps people from being present. Watching TV, reading a novel (gasp), housework, a job — whatever one uses to absent him- or herself from listening to and engaging with the people around them.
Reading is my biggest struggle! I have to leave my current book in my bedroom on the nightstand or I’ll sneak pages in when I should be listening to my kids. So you’re absolutely right — you can be absent without ever touching an electronic device.